Grandma’s every move under surveillance

If I’ve told those grandkids once, I’ve told them 100 times, what happens at Grandma’s, stays at Grandma’s.

I just received a frantic text.

“The girls say you fed them ice cream for lunch!”

“And?”“And nothing else. Just ice cream. Is that true?”

“Does that sound like us?”


“Ice cream is in one of the major food groups. We got you covered for dairy today.”

“Right, thanks.”

“Btw, technically it wasn’t lunch. We didn’t feed them until almost 2, which made it more like an afternoon snack.”

The week before that, we had kept a crew for a few hours and after they were picked up, we had another series of texts.

“I can’t find the pants the baby wore to your house.”

“What color were they?”

“Orange. The girls say you threw them in the trash.”

“She had a blowout. The pants were beyond redemption. If you’d seen them, you would have agreed. You have better things to do with your time.”


“I’m sorry I threw them the trash.”

“That’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“No, I mean the entire garage smells now. We should have burned them.”

We’re the ones watching the kids, but we’re also being watched by them. They’re stealth. They silently track our every move, make mental notes, then blab everything they see to their parents.

Overheard in the backyard:

“Grandpa got in trouble with Grandma while you were gone.”

“What did he do?”

“He bought two more tricycles at the thrift store and then hid them from Grandma and pulled them out when we got here and Grandma says he doesn’t need to keep buying tricycles, that four tricycles and three wagons are enough for us kids and the garage is full and a mess, but we like it when Grandpa keeps buying things.”

“And then Grandma went back in the house and Grandpa said, ‘Don’t you kids worry, I’ll keep buying fun things for you,’ and then Grandma stuck her head back out the kitchen door and yelled, ‘I heard that!’”

“Yeah, we hope Grandma doesn’t make Grandpa go to bed early tonight.”

A phone call after an overnight:

“The kids say you let them watch a show with wolves with sharp teeth and they were chasing small animals.”

“It was a nature video. I turned it off before the wolves started devouring their prey. Do you know the difference between a wolf and a coyote?”


“Ask the kids how to tell the difference between a wolf and a coyote.”


“They say a wolf is bigger, but a coyote has longer ears with sharper points.”

“Then I guess they learned something and you did, too. It was educational at Grandma’s house.”

It always is.