Not just
another pretty purse
Lori Borgman | Monday, Sept. 27, 2010
Last week someone said they had a headache and I found myself in the middle
of another purse war.
I reached
in my bag and pulled out Tylenol just as another woman reached in her bag and
pulled out Extra Strength Tylenol, Arthritis Strength Tylenol and gel Tylenol.
She threw
them down like she just played a royal flush.
I dove
back into my bag, suggested the woman with the headache consider ibuprofen, and
threw down a travel-size bottle of Motrin.
Take that
you oversized orange pleather job with the big silver buckle.
Whereupon, Big Orange pulled out sample packets of both Excedrin and Midol,
tossed them to the woman now holding her head in her hands, and told her to keep
her options open.
We women often open our handbags looking like we’re Good Samaritans, but deep
down we know it’s really a contest to find out who has the best stocked purse.
Someone sneezes and the race is on. A metallic clutch yields a dainty pink
travel pack of tissues. A big brown shoulder bag produces a full-size designer
box of Kleenex and announces they have lanolin for sensitive skin. Some purses
can be so haughty.
If you really want to see the purse wars heat up, spill something on your
clothes. Four women will instantly rummage around their handbags and retrieve
stain removal products.
I recently saw a man spill coffee on his white shirt. He was instantly
assaulted by one woman with a Shout Wipe, two women with Tide To Go stain
remover pens, and another with an OxiClean pen. The shirt came clean, but the
man was permanently traumatized.
The
condition of the items in your purse should not matter as much as the fact that
you had the foresight to pack them.
Three cherry-flavored mentholated cough drops have been rolling around the
bottom of my purse for years. Whenever I get a new purse, I just transfer the
cough drops. They’re old and they look it, but if you were coughing up a lung,
you’d thank me for having them.
My bottle of eye drops looks like it was run over by a truck¸ but if your
contact lens curls up in your eye, that battered little bottle is a sight to
behold.
A well-packed purse should be able to do hair and make-up on the spot,
replenish school supplies, treat superficial wounds and have enough snacks to
quiet kids fighting in the backseat.
I attended a luncheon where women won prizes for having the most bizarre
items in their handbags. The winner was a mother of three children under the age
of four. She produced a pair of Scooby-Doo underwear, a pair of Barbie underwear
and training pants for her toddler. As she ripped them out of her purse and
waved them over her head, the entire room fell silent.
A few seconds passed and then we all offered up a round of applause. Women
may be competitive, but we know a well-stocked purse when we see it.
