The secret life of appliances
Lori Borgman | Monday, Apr 05, 2010
Nothing is what it seems in the world of appliances. When our washing machine
went kaput, I went shopping for a new one and asked for a brand name -- you
know, the one with the lonely repairman who never has any work and waits for
women to call.
The salesman said, “Sure, I can show you that brand. This five-speed top-load
baby has your brand name right there on top – but that’s not really who made
it.”
Wink, wink.
When our refrigerator joined the breakdown conspiracy a month later, we
replaced it with a sleek side-by-side number. I’d tell you the brand, but that
salesman also said the brand names don’t mean what they used to. He said a
number of different brands share the same manufacturer and are built with the
same manufactured parts.
That
probably explains why my parents once had a Kenmore stove delivered from Sears,
opened the bottom drawer and found a GE information booklet.
That
refrigerator we bought came with a phone number to call for repair information
-- in New Zealand. I am curious what the charge would be for a
home-service call. Probably more than your basic $79.95, what with the cost of
transcontinental air-fare, shuttles and a hotel with a breakfast bar.
Consumer Reports played Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, finding connections
between appliances instead of celebrities. Whirlpool makes appliances for
Whirlpool, KitchenAid and Gladiator, Admiral, Amana, Jenn-Air, Magic Chef and
Maytag. And in yet another conquest, Whirlpool also makes appliances for IKEA
and Kenmore. If they ever make a movie about the relationships between
appliances, it will be rated R.
Kenmore, one of the more amorous lines of appliances, not only has a
relationship with Whirlpool, but also maintains liaisons with Frigidaire and LG.
Appliances change partners more often than the leads in soap operas. Just
when you think all these appliance liaisons could not grow any more risqué,
Electrolux, the high-end Swedish manufacturer, begins cavorting about with
Frigidaire and Tappan. Do their flat top ranges never even blush?
Electrolux, spotted on the red carpet with Sears, also heats things up with
Kenmore and Kenmore Pro.
I recently
gave my credit card number over the phone to purchase a small appliance that was
made by who knows what company and told the customer service representative it
was a MasterCard. She took the number and said, “Nope, it’s a VISA.”
I
corrected her and said, “No, the card used to be VISA, but now it’s a MasterCard.”
“Not
anymore,” she said. “That line of MasterCard, was bought out by VISA.”
It’s a sad
day when you can’t trust your plastic. Or the brand name on your kitchen
appliances.
The brand you thought you bought probably belongs to another company, and
even that company could have been bought out by the time you finish reading this
piece.
It even makes you wonder if the Maytag man is as lonely as he claims or if he
secretly has a full and busy social life.
