Take this guideline and smash it
Lori Borgman | Monday, Nov 30, 2009
When new federal guidelines were issued declaring that women of a certain age
no longer need an annual mammogram, I immediately picked up the phone and
scheduled one. There’s nothing like a government panel telling you that you
shouldn’t do something to know that you should.
As an historical aside, the last president that concerned himself with
women’s breasts was impeached. When it comes to our chests, most women prefer an
administration that is hands-off.
I like to imagine how the Founding Fathers would react to a suggestion that
the federal government should impanel experts to issue guidelines concerning the
health of women’s breasts. Washington would blush, Jefferson would call for a
revolution and Franklin would be in a corner sketching a machine with two
concrete blocks that could smash soft material between them.
On the heels of the mammogram announcement came news that the test for
screening cervical cancer is no longer needed on an annual basis either.
Shocker. Many question the timing of the new guidelines; I question why they
only concern themselves with women’s health and not men’s.
I know, I know -- they’re from the “guvuhment and only trying to hep.” We
already have more hep than we need.
Our pharmacy now routinely calls and leaves a recorded message
inquiring as to why I haven’t refilled a prescription. The insurance company
sent a letter asking if I could let them know if I have quit taking my
medication. They’re very concerned. I’m concerned, too – that they think it’s
any of their business.
Several years ago a nasty case of bronchitis prompted the doctor to write a
prescription for an inhaler. Because of that one little flare-up, I now receive
the Living With Asthma quarterly magazine, am the proud owner of an asthma
pocket planner and an asthma wall calendar. Still waiting for my bumper sticker
and T-shirt.
I am also waiting to see what additional health guidelines come down the
pike.
Bone scans probably will be declared superfluous next. Why not just wait
until someone breaks a hip and then address the calcium deficit. They’ll
probably want to run that by Sally Field first.
I’m also waiting for the announcement that hormone replacement therapy for
menopausal women is needless. Before long ultrasounds during pregnancy will be
expendable and anesthesia before surgery will become entirely optional. (You may
however bring a bullet from home to bite or swig from a bottle of whiskey.)
Knee and hip replacements will become B.Y.O.H. – Bring Your Own Hardware.
“You hinge it, we install it.”
The one medical procedure I wouldn’t mind watching disappear is the routine
where you are told to step on the scale. If you’re at the doctor’s office,
you’re probably there because you’re sick. The last thing you need to do is feel
even sicker by stepping on a scale that will claim you are five pounds heavier
than what your scale at home says you are.
Watch. That doesn’t cost a dime -- that one they’ll keep.
