Fall colors are decidedly delicious
Lori Borgman | Monday, Nov 16, 2009
The problem with this season’s fashions is that you don’t know whether to
wear them or eat them.
Take the
skirt that comes in kale, shown with a sweater in avocado and a scarf in tomato.
You’re not entirely sure the ensemble is off the rack or off the salad bar.
Check the
pockets for croutons.
The honey
glaze cardigan and the raspberry frost v-neck are lovely sweaters, but they also
make me vaguely hungry. Throw in the pants labeled cappuccino and it all comes
together -- coffee break.
No wonder we’re overweight. Even the color names for our clothing add
calories to our diet.
A two-page spread in a catalog is a virtual dinner menu. The punch pink
blouse kicks off appetizers followed by a charcoal jacket with a salmon blouse
that clearly points to fish on the grill.
If you want dessert, check out the shawls: cinnamon, nutmeg and cream. If a
slab of pumpkin pie can add a half a pound, a large blanket pumpkin shawl easily
could add five.
Food hasn’t enjoyed such a boost from fashion since Carmen Miranda piled
pineapples, bananas and grapes on top of her head.
The new neutral this fall is crème brulee, a beige color, named after the
luscious dessert made with mascarpone cheese and coffee liqueur. Weight Watchers
is in a good position for growth.
Note that the color names are chosen from the snob food groups, the skinny
foods and foods that cost more on the menu. You won’t see an Idaho potato
evening gown or a mac ‘n cheese jacket.
You also won’t see clothes named after entire dishes.
“Nice winter coat. I love the color.”
“It’s called meatloaf.”
Gag.
You’re also unlikely to see anything from the breaded and deep fried food
group.
“May I interest you in this chicken parmesan suit?”
“No, but some garlic breadsticks would be nice.”
The comfort food line is also unlikely to take off. There will be no
Shepherd’s pie vest or five-way nachos turtleneck.
Health foods are also unlikely candidates. Bean sprouts will never become the
new pink.
Our quest to match product names with pleasant sensory experiences is never
ending.
This week I received a flier about a new candle scent – sparkling snow.
If your snow smells, aren’t you in trouble? Even if it’s a sparkling smell
and not a rancid smell, there’s something wrong with snow smelling.
If snow is yellow, there’s an obvious color problem, but if snow smells,
that’s a problem bigger than one on four legs.
The manufacturer describes the scent of sparkling snow as snow covered pines
and a hint of patchouli and fruit.
It sounds implausible but, then again, who would have thought a big fat
eggplant would be the color inspiration for a skinny pencil skirt?
