Tight pants reveal more than others want to know

For being an advanced nation of theoretically intelligent people, we seem to have an inordinate number of problems with our underwear and backsides.

In recent years we have endured thongs exposed above the waistbands, sagging pants and exposed boxers and, most recently, yoga pants, which appear to have an extremely tight and long-lasting shelf life.

Yoga pants are no longer loose fitting workout pants. Today, yoga pants are like second skin – second skin that clings to your first skin revealing every contour, curve, crease, bump and ripple. In many cases, yoga pants are like a bad accident, a visual spectacle from which there is no turning away.

Yoga pants are the ultimate “Made ya look!”

Less than 3 percent of the population can pull tight yoga pants with the full behind on full display and 2.9 percent of those people are toddlers under the age of 3. If you single gals are unaware, the last person who thought your bum was adorable – and had honorable intentions – was your mother. And she was changing your diaper.

Recently, students at Cape Cod Regional Tech High School in Harwich, Mass., staged a protest over rumors the school was going to ban skin-tight yoga pants. Rationale for the protest was revealing.

Girls protesting the ban said yoga pants are comfortable.

So is belching.

Students said the ban is like women in the Middle East not being allowed to drive.

Still laughing.

Students said the ban promotes body shaming.

No, it might actually help prevent body shaming.

The classroom is a place for showing brains, talent, skills and fortitude, not every curve of your pelvic region, front and back.

I am not a fashion maven, nor do I play one on TV, but let me offer the following for females of all ages:

Just because you can fit in it doesn’t mean it fits.

A well-endowed female walking away in pants too tight looks like two pigs fighting in a sack. (Farm humor intersects fashion advice.)

Never leave home without checking your rear view.

The beauty of clothing is that it can provide an illusion of what might be, not reveal the harsh reality of what is.

Skin-tight yoga pants are a classic representation of wanting to have our cake and eat it, too. Some females wear second-skin yoga pants and leggings with their backsides, and more, fully revealed. They slink in them, strut in them and work them for attention, then spin around and scream at any male who ogles them, “You sexist pig! How dare you create a hostile environment?”

Ladies, ladies. It is only natural that shoppers assume what is on display in the meat case is for sale. Don’t market it if you’re not selling it.

Being a well-dressed man or woman is about context, knowing the appropriate time and place for particular modes of dress. How we dress is also a way of demonstrating respect and consideration for others. Of course, having a mindset that thinks of others before thinking of ourselves requires getting beyond oneself—a fine lesson for any school to teach.